Watanabe Osamu (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sexysensei) wrote2014-08-21 05:24 pm
sexysensei) wrote2014-08-21 05:24 pm
this is harder than I thought it would be
So, today after my classes, a few of the guys I know invited me out to play mahjong. I have always loved to play, and I'm really very good at it not counting that one time, but they cheated. Also, though I'm much older than them, it's nice to know I've still got that "big brother everyone loves" thing going for me. I was really flattered they asked me.
However, when they told me money would be involved, I had to say no. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I know I have a gambling problem. I know that. I know I like the rush. The risk. I enjoy the skill it takes to keep a straight face or pick the right horse. But I also know that it will get me into trouble again, eventually. So I had to stop. Gin getting me out of that place, him buying my debt like that....it was a wakeup call I should have listened to a long time ago.
So I said no. And I have to keep saying no. No matter how hard it is. Because the alternative is letting my bad habit get me in a bind again.
However, when they told me money would be involved, I had to say no. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I know I have a gambling problem. I know that. I know I like the rush. The risk. I enjoy the skill it takes to keep a straight face or pick the right horse. But I also know that it will get me into trouble again, eventually. So I had to stop. Gin getting me out of that place, him buying my debt like that....it was a wakeup call I should have listened to a long time ago.
So I said no. And I have to keep saying no. No matter how hard it is. Because the alternative is letting my bad habit get me in a bind again.