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sexysenseiI've been consider this since Christmas time. I know I have an open invitation. And I want to take it. Gin's house is so warm and inviting. It feels like a home. I've been in too many places that feel nothing like that. I've not felt like this in a long time. I've not felt this safe and warm at a place. And I know that he would let me stay. He's even said as much. He wouldn't suddenly kick me out if I did something he didn't like. I wouldn't have to leave a packed bag at the door. And I know he has welcomed me to keep my open door policy, so that students who need me can still come to me.
But I also know I'm a bit of a mess. In more than one way. He doesn't need that. He's already got one to look after and I know I shouldn't give him more work. Plus, Akira is still settling in. I'm not sure how well he would take having someone else around. Especially someone who shares so many of his most painful experiences. Plus with all my bad habits. I'm not quite a figure for him to be looking up to.
I'm trying though. I'm trying hard to be better than I was. I've stopped gambling and I only smoke a pack a week now...and beer only on Saturday. I want to be someone worth him... worth them.
I never thought I was worth a family other than my boys at Shitenhouji. But...I want to try.
I suppose I should start packing my things. My lease is up soon anyway.
But I also know I'm a bit of a mess. In more than one way. He doesn't need that. He's already got one to look after and I know I shouldn't give him more work. Plus, Akira is still settling in. I'm not sure how well he would take having someone else around. Especially someone who shares so many of his most painful experiences. Plus with all my bad habits. I'm not quite a figure for him to be looking up to.
I'm trying though. I'm trying hard to be better than I was. I've stopped gambling and I only smoke a pack a week now...and beer only on Saturday. I want to be someone worth him... worth them.
I never thought I was worth a family other than my boys at Shitenhouji. But...I want to try.
I suppose I should start packing my things. My lease is up soon anyway.
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Date: 2015-01-21 04:04 am (UTC)You are welcome to live here with myself and Akira-kun. Welcome, wanted, needed. I would very much like you to stay here with us, to make this your home as much as it is ours. You know that we want you here. The choice will remain yours whether you wish to stay here or not... But I am very happy if you choose to stay.
As for the rest... When I look at you I do not see a mess. I see a man. A man I care for a great deal. Bad habits and all. If I cared about any of the things you worry needlessly about, if they bothered me, do you really think I would give up on you? I would not and will not give up on you.
And for the record I do not want you to change. You are a good man, Osamu. Do not feel that you need to be someone you aren't for me. Just be yourself. Because you are worthy. You are worth so much and deserve so much.
I want you do understand that.