So there's this fun thing happening today and I totally got into it. I think Akira got a pretty good laugh this morning about it. I make a pretty piss poor Ninja but hey, what can you do. I even snapped a picture.

I've been consider this since Christmas time. I know I have an open invitation. And I want to take it. Gin's house is so warm and inviting. It feels like a home. I've been in too many places that feel nothing like that. I've not felt like this in a long time. I've not felt this safe and warm at a place. And I know that he would let me stay. He's even said as much. He wouldn't suddenly kick me out if I did something he didn't like. I wouldn't have to leave a packed bag at the door. And I know he has welcomed me to keep my open door policy, so that students who need me can still come to me.

But I also know I'm a bit of a mess. In more than one way. He doesn't need that. He's already got one to look after and I know I shouldn't give him more work. Plus, Akira is still settling in. I'm not sure how well he would take having someone else around. Especially someone who shares so many of his most painful experiences. Plus with all my bad habits. I'm not quite a figure for him to be looking up to.

I'm trying though. I'm trying hard to be better than I was. I've stopped gambling and I only smoke a pack a week now...and beer only on Saturday. I want to be someone worth him... worth them.

I never thought I was worth a family other than my boys at Shitenhouji. But...I want to try.

I suppose I should start packing my things. My lease is up soon anyway.

Thank god that's over. Midterms killed me. But now I want to celebrate. Normally, I release a little stress by finding a good mahjong game, but I can't do that anymore. I'm a couple months gambling free. I've only really felt the urge a few times, but I've managed to keep myself from doing it.

I think I want to celebrate my end of tests for a while by making some nice hot pot for Gin and Akira.

I apologize for having worried people. I didn't mean to. I was just dealing with something very difficult for me. But I appreciate the kind words and support I received. I also appreciate the fact that there's this wonderful man in my life that somehow managed to put up with me. I really need to do something good for him. I'm accepting suggestions and no, I'm not screening it because I'll accept suggestions from you too, Gin.

However, things as they are makes me question if I should continue trying to get my counseling degree. I don't know how good I'll be to those who need me if I fall apart again. If I'm going to do this, I need to get stronger. Or maybe I'm just better off as I was. Just a older brother that students can rely on and lean on. I'll have to think hard about it.

Kenya. Hikaru. I heard. I know it's not much, but if there is anything I can do, anything at all, just say the words. I will move mountains for you if I have to. Whatever you need, don't hesitate to ask.

Hikaru. Happy birthday. I hope it is a very good one for you and I hope you enjoy your present.

[ooc: probably Zaizen got some really swank headphones. the super nice noise cancelling ones]

It started raining a little bit here. I enjoy the rain. I like taking walks in it. I think I'll go for a walk now. Then I have to get back to studying. My homework isn't going to do itself. Though, you know, it totally should.

Also, I've been thinking about heading up to Tokyo for a bit to visit my old coach. I've not seen him in a while and maybe we can arrange some practice matches between our teams.

After a lot of dragging my feet, I let myself get talked into it by the coach of the tennis team at Osaka U. It looks like I'll be playing college level tennis. We'll see how long I last before they realize I play for fun, not to win. If I win, great, but he who laughs first is always the winner.

I've also got my very first paper due in a few days. I always seem to procrastinate on those until the last second. Maybe I should start my research now.

Naaaa. I found this fun arcade near the college and I think I'm going to hang out there. Hopefully I won't get arrested for being a "creeper"

A very smart young man gave me some food for thought a little bit ago. I've had a talk with the principle and the superintendent of the school and I will be taking a small leave of absence from being a teacher. I'll still be coaching boys tennis because it's something I love and can't make myself step away from, but the rest of my time, I've decided to use to go back to school.

I've decided to try for a degree in youth counselling, since I do so much of it already. It shouldn't take me too long since I have a lot of credits already out of the way from my teaching and my chemistry degrees. Still, it's going to be weird. I'll probably be older than most of the students in my class.

Also... I want to learn to do this!



I can do card tricks and sleight of hand because I learn that as a kid for a talent show, but this is just so cool and I want to learn it!

So, now that I have a lot more free time, I've been doing some redecorating. Like a new couch. My poor old couch has been with me since my college years. It's seen a lot, but now, it's time for us to part. So I get to see if I can find a cheap one.

Also, I'm going to start actually cooking for myself again. Actual food and not just microwave stuff. I think I know what I'll make first. My favorite. Kushi-katsu. I haven't had it in so long! Let's see if I remember how to make it.